It’s a big one for me.
At the moment I am feeling quite mentally aware of my thoughts and able to challenge them, sometimes.
I feel like a spectator watching myself do things and act in certain ways to fit in, be liked or because I should.
Slowly, slowly, I am more able to challenge myself, but with kindness. Pause before I speak or say yes to something. Turn towards something that feels right but scares me a bit.
Slowly, slowly, kindly kindly. Kindness is key I am realising.
When the anxiety comes, breathing into my belly and smiling towards myself.
I was recently asked if I wanted to move into managing sales as well as marketing and branding (which I do already) at work. On paper, it is more prestigious, a promotion of sorts and more impressive. Immediately, I said yes, but on reflection, I realised it wasn’t what I wanted. I prefer working creatively on projects and want to delve deeper into the areas I work in now. I don’t enjoy sales and it doesn’t interest me. So I spoke to my boss honestly and now feel excited and happy.
Last weekend I was asked to attend a few different social things, mostly involving drinking. Instead of saying yes I paused for a bit and didn’t commit. I ended up having a lovely spontaneous post work out dinner and 1 glass of red wine with my flat mate and spontaneous day wandering around the botanical gardens with a friend the next day and afternoon of cleaning and reading at home. I’m realising I actually prefer spending time with less people and I like being on my own. For a while I have felt afraid to be alone for too long and felt that I should be saying yes to everything and constantly making friends. But, deep down I prefer having less, closer friends, smaller groups and I enjoy my own company.