My natural inclination is to want to be liked, want to please and adapt myself to make others feel more at ease. I don’t like to kick up a fuss or stand out. I think this is a positive, compassionate way to live but along the way I sometimes loose track of what I want or care about and perhaps I am not always authentic in who I really am which can cause low level anxiety and a sense of displacement in myself.
I am going to try and be myself, not puff up or play down who I am in social situations. Be easy going, but not agreeable for agreeables sake and think about what I want to do rather than what I feel I should do, what is expected or what will allow me to blend in the easiest.
Where does this personality trait come from? I come from quite a big, loud, often argumentative family. Growing up I found it easier to stay quiet rather than have an opinion. Also, my Dad is a self made man and was quite successful in our local area. I knew I stood out being dropped off in a nice car and coming back after the holidays with a tan from going abroad. Both teachers and pupils would often comment at school and I felt embarrassed and spoilt. I think that feeling of being spoilt also led me to pushing myself to achieve more, prove myself in my own right and try and make my Dad proud (hence deciding to start my own business post university).
I do feel a lot more comfortable in myself now and who I am but I do still find myself wanting to blend in a lot of the time and want to work on that and be true to myself.