You know how on Friday when colleagues or friends ask you what you are up to at the weekend, I always want to sound like I have loads on. There’s part of me part of me that naturally wants to puff up and tell people how busy/social/active I am at the weekend, I think out of insecurity of being seen not to have plans, ‘a life’ or friends. Like being busy at the weekend and having lots on is an indicator of success in some way? But there’s also an internal element to it. I find myself making lots of plans because I feel I should be busy, because it’s the weekend and because I want to get the most out of my time/life.
In reality, if I really listen to myself and do what I want to do, just 1 or 2 plans is good for me with time between to bumble about on my own. When someone asks me ‘what are you up to’ I would like to be confident enough in myself to be able to say yeah I have no plans and whaaaaaat. I have started being more honest and found that it makes me feel more authentic and I have a more authentic connection in the conversation.
The other side of it I struggle with is saying no to things I think I should do, or like the idea of in theory, but in practise know they don’t really suit me. Take this weekend. I’ve had a busy week with a work dinner on Wednesday and on Thursday I went to see The Big Sick with my flatmate at an independent cinema with sofas and ate dumplings (that is basically my ideal evening). It’s Friday now and I have dinner plans with some other friends tonight. Tomorrow, I want to go to the gym, skype a friend in the UK and I have lots of life admin I want to sort out. On Sunday I am going hiking and maybe an evening date (going to see how I feel as I do like my Sundays in to chill, do washing and meal prep). I know this level of busyness suits me, as I have a good amount of time on Sat to potter, it isn’t too boozy and I’ll be outdoors on Sunday.
But, I have also been invited to a dinner on Saturday night and drinks with other friends. I don’t know that many people in Melbourne so part of me is like ‘just say yes’, have 1 or 2 drinks and show your face, you don’t know who you’ll meet, but another part of me knows I don’t really want to go and a night in catching up on my life admin and relaxing would suit me more. It’s a hard one to work out what to do. I am trying to channel doing what my heart, my Self wants rather than thinking outside of myself of what I ‘should’ do. So I think I am going to stay in and chill, AND, if anyone asks I’m going to be authentic and proud in that decision.
Happy Friday 🙂 Reading that back I think I got carried away with the italics