Losing and finding presence

When I started meditating and once it had become a daily (ish) habit, I think the hardest thing to get my head around was the realisation of how many times looking back I wasn’t present in life and a sadness at how I had essentially missed out on connection and life. There’s also a day to day struggle,  when I know I am lost in thought or anxiety and still unable to be present and really myself.

It is hard not to feel sad and also angry at myself but I try to offer myself compassion, give myself a break and appreciate that it isn’t easy and it is a journey of one step back two steps forward.

I find I get quite anxious and unpresent (?) in crowded spaces, big groups and at the gym. I still get lost in my head and anxious in these situations but I am working through it and seeing those environments that are difficult to me as challenges to face up to. Focussing on my breath going in and out of my nostrils helps and picturing myself in those environments before I get there, how I will act and respond also helps. Maybe pushing myself to say hello to someone or really feel a sense of awareness in my body before I get somewhere.

It’s a work in progress 🙂

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